Tough
by naden
Summary: Doctor Reid meets a victim of serial killer, that reminds him of his own abduction. He wants to help her and through this heal his own wounds. But it can never  be that simple, can it?
1. Though

**Exclaimer:** I do not own characters from Criminal Minds. I just don't. ;)

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><p>The gun fired. The man fell down with a rumble. He gasped few times. Thick, red blood emerged from his mouth and spilled over his chin.<p>

-Check the property! She's got to be somewhere here! – Derek Morgan ordered, running towards the body – He's dead.

-Sir, we've found something! – voice came form the adjacent room.

-Reid, come with me – said Morgan and headed towards the door.

Doctor Spencer Reid followed him uncertainly. Not because of the gun in his hand, not because of the murderer. He was dead. It was this feeling, he had at the moment – irrational fear of what he might see. Everything has changed since the abduction.

-Sweet Jesus… - Morgan's voice awoke him from stupefaction. He crossed the threshold and that was when he saw it. Palms. Lots of them. Big and small, black and white. In a various level of decomp. And among them – tiny body, cringed next to the old cocotte bathtub, lying in the puddle of blood and urine. The smell was hardly bearable. Scraps of clothes were barely covering her body, as pale as sheet. And though at first sight it appeared that the girl was merely scratched, Reid knew she suffered inconceivably. From the profile he knew that the murderer took his time with all the tortures.

-It's too late – Morgan moved the beam of light over the body – We're too late.

And that was when Reid saw it.

-Morgan! – he cried and rushed towards the girl – She's alive!

-Give me the paramedics here! Right now! – Spencer heard Derek but somehow muffled. Then it was all like in a slow motion. Paramedics came out of nowhere. They pushed him aside, but he stayed there and watched, speechless. Wave of memories flooded his consciousness.

-Excuse me, could I go with you – he asked, when paramedics were putting girl in the ambulance – Victim has no living relatives, as we know it.

-Jump in. You may come in hand.

* * *

><p>5 days. 120 hours. 172800 minutes. 10368000 seconds of constant pain. Statistic shown that women are more resistant to pain than men. Reid could only wonder why. Most of them probably thought about their families, kids. But she couldn't. She had nobody on this world. Or maybe there was someone they didn't know about? He still couldn't figure out what gave her the strength to survive. When she arrived at the hospital she was in a critical condition. Like all the other victims of that serial killer, she was constantly druged, had burned and bruised feet, broken bones, dislocated almost all joints. She was also drowned multiple times. Despite all that, her tormenter did his best to keep her conscious as long as it was possible and, on the other hand alive, as long as he could. They figured out the victimology puzzle just in time to rescue her. On that Friday, at midnight, Paul Headenby was to kill and cut his twenty fifth victim, Ellen Crust, 24 year old woman from Washington.<p>

And yet she was lying here on a hospital bed and sleeping peacefully. She made it and Spencer Reid wasn't sure why. Despite her age, she looked almost like a teenager: about 5 feet tall, tiny, almost disappearing in bedding right now. Reid smiled. It was just like him and his colleagues adding the 'doctor' title to his name not to confuse the cops, witnesses and victim's families. _Young and already damaged inside…_

Since the surgery Ellen had opened her eyes few times but never seemed to be particularly aware of where she was. Doctors considered her to be a small miracle from the medical point of view. The only said, she needs a rest.

Now he felt ashamed of the fact that during the investigation whole team was thinking of her as of a body. Dead. With less than 0% percent chances of surviving. After all, she was one of 3 victims of Palm Killer, who made it through 5 days of his tortures. _And we, clever profilers, buried her in our minds. Did not gave her a chance._ He thought about himself, being abducted by a serial killer with a split personality. The pain, the fear for his life. He snapped, back there. Confessed his 'alleged' sins. And it was his friends that rescued him. It's because of them, that he could be at the hospital right now. _And where are your friends? Why didn't they make it here…?_

* * *

><p>-But why did he abducted her, broke her left leg , then took care of her, almost tended her and then finally beaten to death? – Morgan clearly wasn't convinced.<p>

-Derek's right – Emily said – two previous victims weren't treated like that. Maybe it's not the same guy?

-He is. We just don't see the whole picture – Rossi was relentless.

-Okay, let's just assume we're chasing the same unsub. Dig in the files, we could be missing something. Morgan, you and Prentiss will go to the victims houses. And you Reid… - at that moment Reid's phone rang loudly. He picked it up immediately, not even looking at Hotchner.

-Yes. Yes, sir. Thank you very much. I will be there as fast as it is possible. Thank you. – he disconnected and headed towards the door.

-Reid, where are you going? Is this bout the case? – agent Hotchner was a bit surprised with Reid's reaction to that call.

-I-I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you… Ellen has woken up!

-And does it have anything to do with…

-…me? Yes, actually… I gave them my number and asked them to call me as soon she will fully regain consciousness. She has nobody here.

-All right. You can go. But come back today and help with the files. We have almost nothing right now.

-Of course. I'll do that. Thank you! – he left the room quickly and left Hotch alone, wondering.

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><p>Just when he was near the hospital room he saw her awake. She looked better. Still unable to walk and move on her own, but somehow more…alive. He was watching her for a while through the glass, form the distance, before he decided to go in. Uncertain, he opened the door. Ellen noticed that and turn her head. She looked at him with her big grey eyes. For a moment, Spencer wanted to go back, but then he thought: <em>She has nobody. It's just you.<em>

-Hi, Ellen, I'm dr. Spencer Reid from B.A.U., from FBI. I came here because…

-Is the case closed? – she interrupted.

-Is…the case closed? – he repeated, surprised by the peculiar selection of words – Technically, it's not… just lots of paper work for the police, but… do you want to know if the killer was caught? He' was shot. He's dead and you're…

-Is the case closed? – she repeated with tears in her eyes.

-No, it's not, Ellen. But you're safe. Nobody's going to hurt you anymore… And it's just paperwork, they have to deal with. Soon it'll be over. I promise. – he tried to comfort her but she just turned away. Reid cursed himself in his mind. _She's traumatized and you should focus her mind on something else than the case. Make her think positive._ But he couldn't. Ellen constantly reminded him of his own abduction. By her side it just all came back…

-I'm sorry… - he suddenly heard her voice and saw her turning her head back – I didn't mean to. I lost it.

-No-no… You have nothing to be sorry about. You're the vic-… - he paused - I mean… I'm here to help you. You live alone, but do you have somebody in town, who could help you, take care of you?

-No. I've got no family, as you probably already know. I'm also pretty new in town, so, no, there's no friend to help. But don't worry bout me. I'll manage.

-I would disagree. You suffered a lot and even after you leave hospital you'll need someone to look after you. You need time to heal your bones and…your mind as well.

-I'm a tough girl, as you can see… - she smiled, but Reid somehow know it was a fake smile. A mask.

-I-I could help you. – he said suddenly – I will help you. – Ellen looked at him, surprised, but he smiled – You probably won't understand it now, but believe me, I…I know something about being tough and… Sometimes it's just not enough. Sometimes, even though it's hard, you need to trust someone, open up, before it is too late.

-Okay – she smiled, but this time truthfully – You're the doctor. I'd better be listening to you, right?


	2. Gone

**Exclaimer:** I do not own characters from Criminal Minds. I just don't. ;)

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><p><em>Do not profile her. Try not to.<em> Reid was repeating those words in mind as Ellen was searching for the key in her purse. They stood at the door of her apartment. She still had to use a wheelchair but her physical condition has certainly improved. Though not the same could be said about her state of mind. Reid did his best to abstain from studying her behavior but, after all, that was his job and the thing he got used to. From what he saw it was almost like she built some kind of wall between her genuine emotions and created a 'set' of phrases, face expressions and gestures, that were socially neutral – kind, looking almost natural smile, calm posture, casual jokes. Reid knew that it wasn't regular kind of attitude in cases of survivors of serial killers. Most of them would encounter many different kind of mental problems: depressions, delusions, anxiety disorders, personality disorders and others. However, there were individuals, who shortly after the experiencing that kind of stressor situation, were able to return to normal behavior. Of course, Reid knew that there was in fact nothing really 'normal' about that. _From the medical point of view it also is a disorder. Artificial calmness in most cases is the result of…_

Ellen finally found the key and unlocked the door with a rasp that interrupted Reid's course of thoughts. The apartment didn't looked like he imagined it to be. From what the team found about Ellen Crust, he knew that she was born in United States, her parents died in a plane crush when she was 3 and her grandparents took care of her. She studied fine arts in Europe and during that time both grandmother and grandfather died. That was when she returned to the States. Surprisingly, she sold grandparent's house and found herself a new place. That's how she ended up here.

-It's a very…tidy place. – he said but then realized the stupidity of that remark.

-You probably expected something more…artistic from me, right? – she smiled as he nodded – Well, I usually like to have all things under control but if you could see me painting – everything looks like after some hurricane or earthquake then. - she laughed and Spencer joined her. Though he couldn't really imagine that. The apartment was in fact one big open room - the attic transformed into a living space – but everything had its place. Tidy kitchenette, living space with table and comfortable sofa, work space with a computer, light box table and easel and sleeping space – huge bed half shrouded with a screen. Everything in very bright coloring. There weren't also many objects that would personalize the space: only books on a shelf, few paintings on a wall and a teddy bear on a bed. _No photographs, post cards from friends, redundant decorations, even no notes to herself. Almost as if she didn't live here, didn't really exist._

-Doctor Reid?

-It's just Spencer, Ellen.

-Okay. Spencer. Could you open a window? It's so stifling… And, please pass me the crutches. I'll make us some tea.

-I don't think you should get up. Doctor Hallman said you still have to rest. And you have broken bones, so let me do that for you, okay?

-It's my leg, that's broken, not the hands – she replied with a grin on her face – I think I'll manage.

-I'm the doctor. You said, you're supposed to listen to me, right? Then it's highly recommended for you to sit on a couch and wait for me to prepare the tea and help you with whatever you need. – he smiled having the feeling of déjà vu. _I couldn't speak so decidedly with Lila. I just let her pull me into a swimming pool._ In spite of what he was planning, they were meeting for a short period of time after that. He liked to think that it was her carrier and paparazzi that hindered this relationship. Truth was, after his abduction everything changed. He became entirely different person, even more mature and distant.

-As you wish, doctor – she smiled obstinately and sat on the big, gray sofa.

-I imagine that you already know everything about me. – she said after a while – Spencer, mugs are in that cupboard on your right. – she added noticing Reid's helpless search for the dishes.

-What I know, are only few facts of your life, that were helpful while building a victimology profile. It's essential for us to check what the unsub's preferences are… Are you really willing to listen to that? – he asked Ellen, handing her the mug with hot, black tea.

-I'm alright. Please, continue.

-Okay then. – he replied, sitting on the sofa, next to her – Paul Headenby aka the Palm Killer was, unfortunately, the type of unsub, who can kill everyone. It was not the sex, age or type of look of the person that he desired. This sexual sadist only satisfied with hands of his victims, 'received' after five days of ritual tortures… - he stopped and for a moment saw a shade of pain on Ellen's face. She quickly hid it behind a mask of fake smile.

-It's really alright.

-So, Headenby was not picky, but at the same time he was extremely organized. We figured out that there has to be a pattern in a way he chose his victims. And we found it.

-What was it?

Reid took Ellen's hand. It was warm and soft. He pointed at her ring finger.

-My ring? – she was genuinely surprised, looking at a silver, belt-shaped ring.

-Palm Killer was a victim of child abuse. We presume that the strongest memory of that time were hands of whoever was hurting him. And a ring on that finger.

-But…

-…there are many people who wear rings on that finger? Yes. But the trigger was only the closer contact with the palm. That's why we thought about the place you work at.

-You say that I served a coffee to that son of a bitch?

-Yes. That's how he chose you.

-I.. I don't even remember his face. I don't know the face of the man, who tortured me for 5 days. And I served him coffee… - her mask broke and for a moment she was as vulnerable as when he found her for the first time. For a second Reid wanted to hug her, comfort her somehow, but he decided not to. She was too tough, too proud for that. They remained sitting in silence. He looked outside. It was already dark.

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><p>-It looks like our genius boy suddenly started living a life outside a work – Derek Morgan laughed, as he saw Reid packing his stuff to bag – You used to be here first and leave last.<p>

-There was not much to do at home, I guess – he replied smiling.

-How is she, Reid?

-A lot better, thanks for asking. She has a rehabilitation few times a week and soon she will be able to get back to the previous life, I guess.

-Reid… You know, you don't have to prove yourself anything? You're a good man. And it's not you fault that she suffers. You saved her.

-When I suffered, you all were there for me. But I didn't want your help. With all my IQ I was too stupid and proud too realize that the only thing I needed was someone to be there for me.

-And now you are that person for her. I understand. But she's just a victim. Don't let it get personal. We do our thing but what happens next is just outside our 'jurisdiction'. You remember what happened to Gideon.

-I do.

-Just, promise me then, when it'll get too difficult you'll leave it to specialist.

-I promise. And, by the way, are you staying here tonight?

-Yes. Something about this murder with a broken leg seems odd to me.

-But it's been like few weeks since the unsub stopped killing. He's probably dead or in jail.

-I know, I know… But something in my guts tells me it isn't over yet.

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><p>On his way to Ellen's apartment he was thinking again about what Derek said. <em>"Don't let it get personal."<em> It wasn't going to happen soon. Although he was visiting her as often as he could, and spend most of his free time helping her, surprisingly he still didn't know much about her. The both didn't like to talk about themselves, personal matters, emotions. During on of the first visits at her place he discovered that Ellen was interested in literature, just like his mother. For the next two or three weeks they were having long conversations about favorite authors, books, characters, poems. Then they switched to movies, art, science, even politics. But it was always a neutral topic. At those moment he was forgetting about work, profiling, murderers, victims, painful memories. She also looked as if all the pain was really gone. She dropped the mask of artificial calmness, acted more freely and naturally. And as soon as she could walk on her own, she started painting again. Ellen had never done it when he was at her place, but he could tell by the way she looked, when he visited her.

-Where you painting? – he asked her once.

-Do you want some tea? - she answered evasively. But he could tell it from the brightness in her big grey eyes. They were sparkling with some kind of warm energy. He understood then it was something too intimate and never asked again.

As Reid arrived at her home he noticed something strange from the street. Lights at the attic were off. It was completely dark. He went in the building to check. He knocked on the door, but Ellen did not open, called her, but there was only voice mail. Finally, he decided too use the key she gave him to use in case something happens. He unlocked the door and opened it. He switched on the light. Ellen was not there. Everything was in it's place, no signs of a struggle. On the other hand, she had never told him she was going somewhere. He looked around fro some clue and noticed piece of paper on a table. Laconic message read as follows:

_I had to go._

_Don't worry._

_I'll be back._


	3. Saved

**I recommend **you listening to the _Clair de Lune_ while reading the last paragraph in this chapter. It truly makes the right atmosphere. :)**  
><strong>

**Exclaimer:** I do not own characters from Criminal Minds. I just don't. ;)

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><p>-Reid, Reid! Wake up, kid! – suddenly Morgan's voice interrupted Spencer's course of thoughts.<p>

-I'm, sorry…

-We really need to focus on this case. If our preliminary profile is correct – we don't have much time…

-Thank God, it's local. Even two hours flight could cost us another lives… - JJ added.

-Okay, people. I now it's early and you're tired. – Hotch started and Reid quietly agreed with him. When he answered call at about 6.00 am. he still wasn't able to lay down and go to sleep. For the last two days his mind was working on getting a convincing answer to the question: where did Ellen go?

-But I need all of your mind on this – right now. – agent Hotchner continued - So, JJ, what do we know?

-Remember 3 odd murders, that occurred a while ago? Three women, in their mid-thirties, all blondes, all beaten to death. And all of them dumped in the same park. First victim was Ashley Martin, then, 3 days later Monica Henderson was found in the same place and then… The most curious thing: Ann Cooper, the alleged third victim was found at the same park 3 weeks later, also beaten, but autopsy revealed, that her leg was broken after the abduction, then taken care of, but not healed completely – presumably due to lack of time – and then she was killed…

-As I remember, the killer didn't struck again, so we stopped working on that. Is there any new lead we should follow? – Emily interfered.

-Actually, there is. New victim. – she gave out the photos and case files to everyone – Her name is Dorothy Gray and she was found in different location. I know it's far from the park, where the other women were found but look at what the unsub did to her.

-Oh, God. Her leg was broken and almost completely healed... That's the same guy. – Emily seemed convinced.

-Yeah, I'm pretty sure it has to be a guy. – Reid added – He's most likely a sexual sadist.

-But there were no signs of rape or nothing…

-He's most likely an impotent – Rossi answered – But this type of murder is his way of getting satisfied. Moreover, he created a scenario, probably based on some traumatic memory…

-Guys – JJ started – It's not all. We also have a woman missing. Her name is Lisa Patterson and she's been gone for almost 3 weeks.

Everybody seemed stunned by that information.

-Why didn't they call us immediately? Why wait?

-Lisa lives alone. It was not until her family from Ohio wasn't able to contact her for three subsequent days – they decided to call the police then.

-Still, she could be dead by now. – Morgan said.

-Not necessarily. – Reid was not convinced – If it's the same unsub, and considering victims look and age, it most likely is, we still should have got a little time.

-Okay. New victim could mean new profile. – Hotch was trying to organize work – Prentiss and Morgan: go check the alley. Rossi, you and I will visit victims apartment. Reid you'll stay here to work with Garcia – prepare geographical profile and cross-check the information about all the victims and the missing woman. It's not going to be easy one…

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><p>The time was running and with every passing minute Reid was more and more confused about the case. Nothing remained coherent. Among many theories there were no complete or absolutely convincing ones. And the contradictions remained the same. <em>Two with broken leg and two just beaten to death. Three in a park, one in blind alley. Something is wrong here…<em>

-Garcia, all the women were young, good looking, working and independent. Could you check for any facilities they had in common? Our unsub could have worked there. He needs to dominate in his murders, because he's not dominant enough in his real life. That's why he fantasizes.

-Okay, genius boy. You'll have it all in a minute.

Reid doubted that she would find anything though. They had too little information to focus on something specific. Suddenly his cell phone rang.

-Reid – he heard Prentiss' voice.

-I'm here.

-We've been in the alley. There's nothing that could be linked somehow to the park. On the contrary, it's pretty dangerous neighbourhood. Junkies, prostitutes everywhere. Of course – no one has seen anything. A lot of cars pull over here – it's nothing unusual. We'll stay here for a little longer but I don't think we'll find anything. And how is your work?

-Not a bit better.

-This poor girl's somewhere out there and we are just running out of time.

* * *

><p>-I'm so sorry Reid. – Garcia looked really upset.<p>

-Bad news?

-Yeah. Everything about them is literally different: schools, jobs, favourite restaurants. Lisa is alone, Dorothy and Ashley were married, Ann had a boyfriend and Monica was divorced. Almost all of them were born here. Lisa is from Ohio.

-Lisa… She's the last and there's something different about her.

-Everything is different about everyone, darling.

-No, no. What I mean is… I need to call Hotch. But keep searching – this time only for Lisa.

-Copy that.

Reid wasn't listening to her anymore. _Lisa. Lisa. Single, lawyer, from Ohio. Why did he chose you?_ He dialled Hotch's number.

-Hotch? It's me, Reid. Are you at Lisa's place?

-Yes, we are. Nothing suspicious there. She just left the apartment and never came back.

-I need you to look for something.

-Yes?

-Could you search for any objects connected with her childhood and Ohio?

-There's not much of it. I have a family photograph, small collections of figurines.

-Okay. Thanks, then.

-Wait. There's something more.

-Yes?

-It's not exactly from Ohio, though. Surprisingly, it's from here. It's a diploma. "Little Miss Beauty Pageant". Does that mean anything for you? – Hotch sounded puzzled.

-Not yet but I think we're finally approaching some answers here. Thank you. – Reid disconnected.

-Garcia. I think we may have something. Check if our victims took part in any beauty pageants here.

-Sweetheart, it is just as you said. All of them were given a title of "Little Miss" in the same contest. Just in different years. Is our unsub a paedophile?

-It wouldn't make any sense. They are only interested in children. But that might be his traumatic memory. Perhaps something happened at one of the contest. Check the information's about any accidents that happened there, including fathers, brothers or any other man with broken legs.

-I've found nothing.

-Impossible.

-By nothing I mean that nothing like that happened to any man. But there were, of course, too many accidents involving contestants and their mothers. Burns, broken legs, poisoned food… You wouldn't believe how many…

-Wait, Garcia. – Reid interrupted her – You're a genius.

-Me? I've always knew that. What was it this time?

-I think we might have been wrong for the whole time.

* * *

><p>-A woman – Hotch was genuinely surprised.<p>

-It's rare, but it fits. – Rossi explained – Those beauty pageants can trigger some very strong emotions. Garcia, could you check accidents with leg trauma considering female victims?

-I did. 23 cases.

-Narrow it down. Blonde hair?

-14. Half of the contestants are blond.

-What if – Prentiss started – she's recreating the accident, that happened to her. Trying over and over again. Braking them and trying to heal, to make them perfect as they were before. But they do not cooperate, try to escape. It angers her, she kills them. And finds another "example". Look at it. Victims won the contest, they're beautiful, successful. Back then, at the time of contest, she was like them, but then something changed. And it ruined her life.

-You say "ruined"? – Garcia asked – I've just found quite interesting story here. Listen up. Sharon Cook, former "Little Miss" '97 from Virginia sustained injuries to her left leg in car accident. She was just starting in interstate beauty pageant. What's more, that leg probably never healed properly. She is registered as a disabled. And she did some drugs after all that happened. That's why we have her records.

-And, don't tell me – she lives near the park? – Emily asked.

-That's right.

-But why dump a body in a different location.

-She could have seen somebody. She can't run, so needs absolutely nobody around. And since she was a drug addict she knows, where to find a neighbourhood, where no one will ask any questions.

-JJ, call detective Anderson. – Hotch decided - I think we can give them the right address.

* * *

><p>Doctor Spencer Reid was exhausted. Physically – he hadn't closed his eyes for the last two days – and mentally. Working on this profile, he focused his entire mind on catching the killer. Team did excellent job. It remained one of the most quickly solved cases, moreover, the one with a happy ending. Though with a broken bone, Lisa Patterson came back home safely. Princess was saved, antihero defeated. And like every fairytale, this one had to end eventually. Then the time for the child to close his eyes and go to sleep. But he couldn't. With every attempt to rest Reid's thoughts were almost automatically starting to orbit around the small piece of paper.<p>

"_I had to go". Where? "Don't worry" How could I? "I'll be back" Will you?_

He couldn't stay for long at his place. Despite Morgan's words he decided to come back to Ellen's apartment. He couldn't risk missing anything. Job at BAU taught better than any other about value of time. Once it was lost it could never be entirely made up for. Usually the price to pay would be somebody's life.

This night, as well as during the two preceding, the attic was covered in darkness. Apartment remained the way he left it two days ago. Everything in perfect order and the short message on the table. At that moment Reid regretted not profiling her for the first time. If he had done that then, he wouldn't be so clueless now. He wandered around the place, trying to put together pieces of information he had. _She's quite a secretive person, well organized and neat, avoids discussing private matters and puts off every remark made about her painting… Painting. This is it. She's not keen on it, because her paintings probably can reveal something about her nature._ Not without a hesitation, he started looking for canvas. He felt like a burglar invading Ellen's privacy, but his concern for her was stronger. Looking around, he chose the most appropriate place to hide the paintings. Huge wardrobe. He opened it and frozen, petrified by the content. As for the unknown painter and part-time waitress it was a remarkable collection of clothes. Also the variety of styles was impressing: everything from monochromatic office style to colourful, bohemian garments. He glanced over shelves and drawers. His attention was caught by the panel on the bottom. It was placed under the shoes shelf and got no handle, so it didn't stood out. He pushed it slightly and it turned out to be another drawer. Filled with canvas. Reid pulled it out gently and without touching or moving the paintings started to study them.

He didn't like most modern art. Though he attended galleries sometimes and was familiar with it, he preferred pieces done by old masters. They stood for classical beauty, perfect harmony and everlasting pursuit of perfection. Postmodern works were disturbing and dark. On the contrary to the renaissance paintings, he couldn't find any relief when looking at them. Ellen must have been obsessed with numbers. They were the main topic of the paintings creating maps, dimensions, objects and emotions. Cool tones were dominant and although Reid didn't considered himself to be an expert in that matter, for him all the canvas were filled with sense of uncertainty or awaiting. He shut the drawer with a sigh. Although he was able to find some information about Ellen, she still remained mysterious.

Spencer decided to stay a little longer in her apartment. He found CD player and, not checking what was inside, pushed play button. Low noises of rotating disc could be heard and the song started. It was one of his favourite pieces, _Clair de Lune_ by Claude Debussy. Delicate ethereal sounds of the piano filled the room with long awaited peace. No doubt or negative emotion remained present. Anxiety sailed away through the open widow in the dead of the night. Reid rested on the big sofa and closed his eyes.


	4. Reborn

The smell of scrambled eggs woke him up. He opened his eyes and realized, that he was lying on the sofa, under a downy blanket. It was already morning. He turned his head to the kitchenette and saw her. Humming a song quietly, Ellen was bustling about the breakfast.

-Good morning, Spencer. – she greeted him without even turning over.

-Elle… You're back here? I'm glad… - Reid stood up and walked towards her.

-The right question is – what you are you doing here? – her voice sounded a little too harsh.

Reid sighed and looked down.

-To be honest… – he started slowly – And I mean that, because I'm not really accustomed to lies. I was just… Worried. I never wanted to invade your place and I'm sorry for that, but I just wanted to be absolutely sure there was nothing suspicious behind your absence. Maybe it is because of my job. The thing is, I really wanted to believe you have just forgotten to tell me, that you're leaving, but from what I experienced… - he raised his head and looked at her awaiting some kind of anger on her face but there was none. She smiled warmly and that made him unable to finish the sentence. For a brief moment they were standing there, looking at each other in silence until Ellen spoke up.

-I just made breakfast. Would you like to eat with me? – she said quickly as if it was only to break the silence.

-I'd love to. – Reid sat at the table while Ellen was putting eggs on plates – Where have you been?

-Here and there, trying to organize my life, close some chapters – she sat in front of him – This whole… situation made me think a lot. I saw how meaningless my life up to now was. I'm not the kind of religious person, don't get me wrong. It just somehow felt like there's more in our existence and I wanted to know what this is.

Reid remained silent, looking at her. She seemed distant and as much as he wanted to say something, nothing wise came out of his mouth.

-I'm sorry – she apologized slightly embarrassed – I'm boring you to death.

-No, no… I just didn't know what to say… You know, I was worried about you leaving so suddenly with only short message left. What happened to your cellphone?

-I'm a looser. I lost it somewhere there. I should buy myself new one as soon as possible – she laughed, blushing slightly

There was something child-like and innocent in her face when she laughed covering her mouth with her hand almost as if she has said something inappropriate. Te sun was shining, lighting up her figure, reflecting in her eyes with tiny sparkles, which were only emphasising this sensation. He didn't remember being so calm since a long time._ It is true, what they say. Time heals all wounds._

-Spence? – Ellen stopped talking about her trip.

-Yes?

-You're a good man, you know that?

-Elle, what's the matter?

-I just don't want you to think I'm ungrateful for what you did.

-Why would you be? – he couldn't understand what it was all about.

-Anyone at your place would get angry at me for disappearing just like that. You did not. And you have no idea how much it means to me. It has been a while, since somebody waited for me. Not as in work, with impatience and irritation… For too long I had neither family nor friends. But as I closed some chapters of my life I promised myself to reopen this one. And I'm glad I found a friend in you, I really am.

-I am too – Reid smiled and took a sip of tea thinking if it was the first real friendship outside the BAU he made. She wasn't a tough FBI agent, did not have any scientific degree or extensive knowledge but it was a pleasant change. Leisurely drinking morning tea with an ex-waitress brought him that kind of peace he needed now.

* * *

><p>-So, are you planning to get some job?<p>

-Eventually, I'll have to. Though I could do nothing for the rest of my life – Ellen smiled dreamily.

-What about painting?

- It's a rather private matter to me. I'm not sure if I want to make money out of it. Besides, I didn't even finish my studies. Nothing to put in CV except for waiting in few cafeterias. Guess I'm just uneducated 24 year old lazy girl. – Ellen's voice did not sound like it was a huge problem for her.

-Never thought of going back to Europe?

-Not really. I've never felt like I needed it. I inherited quite a lot of money after both my parents and grandparents death. I travelled a lot and waited in cafés in between my journeys. Actually it is the first time in my life I've spent so much time in that apartment. What about you?

-I actually got my doctorate in math when I was 17 – for a moment there was awkward silence between them until Ellen burst out laughing.

-You don't really beat about the bush, do you? – she smiled and seeing big question marks in Reid's eyes quickly added – Just kidding, never mind. I wonder, though, why would you choose job which has so little to do with strict science?

-It's exactly the opposite. All the theories behind the methods we are using were scientifically proved countless number of times. We don't just guess. There's math, biology, psychology, a lot of research and statistics.

After a moment of silence he continued.

-I used to believe it just that – he sighed - I took me some time and a lot of mistakes to understand how terribly wrong I was. First of all, there is experience. At the beginning you always underestimate its power. All the knowledge you gained throughout you entire life creates illusion of control. Your confidence vanishes after the first stumble, when you fell like a little baby. That certainly teaches respect for every new situation you encounter even if it seems obvious from the very beginning. And when experience fails, you're left with intuition. I guess, one either has it or not. You can' learn it, it won't come as the years go by.

-What if it has been deceived?

-It can't be. It's like the inner impulse that activates every time something is wrong. You may not hear it, believe it or neglect it, but it always warns you.

-It makes me wonder if I have one… - she laid down, probably musing over the topic.

They were sitting on the grass in park. It was one of those days with a perfect weather. Sun sweltered slightly but at the same time pleasant wind was cooling down the air. Ellen was wearing red dress with a quite low neckline. The contrast between paleness of her skin and the intense colour of the material didn't escape Reid's attention. He knew women are better in perceiving. _Moreover, 50% of them are tetrachromatic_. _With 4, instead of usual 3 types of cone receptor they can see much more than others. _But he also knew men were the true visual types. _They may not distinguish between different types of reds and greens but they immediately respond to the contrast and shape._ He was aware of the fact, that these thoughts were merely an excuse his mind came up with to justify the way he was looking at her at the moment. He also couldn't ignore the fact she was exact the opposite to Lila. The actress was truly an American girl – blonde, slightly tanned, blue-eyed, shapely beauty. Ellen on the other hand – petite, gray-eyed, pale brunette – seemed completely unobtrusive. Reid couldn't say she was beautiful. That adjective didn't mach her. He didn't even know if he had found a right word to describe her look or character. But he was sure of one thing: there was something alluring on that girl, which attracted him like a magnet.

Suddenly he felt something wet on his neck. Cold drop hit his skin, then another one and another one. He looked up and saw the sky clouding over.

-Elle, let's go, before rain will get stronger – he suggested.

-Yeah – she agreed and stood up – I don't want to get completely wet.

At the minute she said that, rain was already coming down in torrents. And before they have found the nearest tree to hide, they were drenched to the skin. Laughing, they ran under the huge oak, whose branches were dense enough to take shelter.

-Never trust any weather-forecast again… - Ellen made a note to herself while wringing the water from her hair. Red dress was completely soaked, clinging tightly to her body, revealing shapes of her small breasts and slim waist.

-Maybe we should try getting home? You'll be sick if you stay in these clothes – he suggested, noticing goose bumps all over her skin.

- It'll soon stop raining. I'll be fi-... A-a-atishoo! – loud sneeze as if denied her statement.

Without second thoughts Reid approached her and wrapped his arms around her. Ellen budged, surprised, but didn't make a move. He could feel her shivering body, wet skin against his drenched shirt. Some thoughts about "crossing the line" and "being unprofessional" crossed his mind but he decided to keep them away for the moment. Standing there in almost complete silence, with only the sounds of rain coming down, he realised how peculiar was their relationship. He knew her for couple of months and spent with her more time than with any other friend he knew, apart from his team. She was so close now he felt every heartbeat, every bristled hair on her skin and every twitch of her body.

And then it all happened so fast. Ellen raised her head and looked him straight in the eyes. Reid couldn't exactly tell what kind of expression sparkled in those two grey wells, but it made him reject all the rational argumentation and act contradictory to what his mind was telling him. _Is my instinct failing me or am I just deaf to its calls?_ Instead of taking step back, he leaned and kissed her.


End file.
